The Negativity Bias

Today I learned about the “negativity bias” from my read the ‘5am club’

It’s what makes you want to post every achievement of your life on your social media platforms

Its what makes you keep checking your social medias for comparisons

It’s what keeps you unsatisfied with your now, regrettable about your past and anxious about your future

I’ve come to realise it’s the thing that also keeps scores, remembers hurts, bathes in toxicity and is always fleeing…running from…

Growth

Happiness

And security

It’s self sabotaging because when good things finally begin happening for you

You tell yourself I’m not good enough…

I don’t deserve this…

I’m not as good as so and so…

Or worse yet…

You compare your now good to someone’s else’s yesterday’s good and you tell yourself “what took me so long to get here when other people were able to get there seamlessly?”

Hey!

Someone’s else’s highlight reel is not the end all be all for you!

Stop that negativity bias!

You are growing

Evolving

Skinning knees

And scarring just fine

In all of this chaos…

You are finding light and growing

You took your time to get to where you are now because your journey is different. Guess what everyone’s journey is different. Timelines are different. You don’t need social media to compare how you’re doing in life (easier said then done aye because SM takes up about 30% if not more of our waking time)

Please remember this … You’re doing fine with watering your own garden ok

Someone will always be
More beautiful
More successful
More smarter
More richer
Than you

But you know what my reading highlighted today?

“‘Comparison is the thief of joy,’” (Teddy Roosevelt)

“Detach and embrace the wisdom of knowing when enough is enough.” (The Tycoon from 5am  Club)

What a Love!

God’s anthem of Love is consistent in grace, forgiveness, transparency and clarity

His love is bold and authentic

His love is not hidden

His love is absolute and not partial

His love leaves no room for fear or shame because it is Complete and Pure

His love isn’t a love that asks what can you do for me but rather what can I do for you

His Love keeps giving

His love does not withhold

His love has counted the cost and valued us “priceless”

His Love roars you are “mine”, “chosen” and “wanted”

At the most ugliest points of life I try to fathom how our God is consistent and faithful. I try to grasp how my understanding of love is far removed from His wholesome Love. And then I retrace and redo and relove.

His Love is the standard

Be Real in Love

Spent the morning thinking about love…

And with it a couple of posts from “woke” people who have taken the path in the name of self discovery/self love and sacrificing love/the essence of it in the process

What exactly is love?

There are 4 types of love

Eros- sexual love

Philia- friendship love

Storge- family love

Agape- selfless/unconditional love (the kind required in marriage…or life long marriage that you need to be fulfilling and purposeful)

Today I read more about self love than anything else….is that the gist of what Valentines day is all about…the love of self?

If it is then how depraved has our society become? To be so selfish…ALL THE TIME…

don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong about living in your authentic self, but there is a balance always to living as you and giving yourself in love to others, especially those that matter. Besides giving in love always allows one to live in their truth….always

And if you have a world view that says otherwise then your world view truly has been warped by all influences that isn’t true to you (a lot plays into shaping world views maybe another topic for another day)

I guess self love is good in a way. Pertaining to sanity, its knowing who you are and what you stand for. Understanding your flaws, your strengths. Moving powerfully in the knowledge of you. Always becoming better. This is the purpose of life….progression…

Back to Love…The agape kind because that’s what today’s about right?

Love is first and foremost a giving of self

1 Corinthians 13 eloquently put it “Love is all things others over self”

It is patient
Kind
Doesn’t keep scores
Isn’t easily angered
It isn’t rude, selfish (contradictory to self love)
It isn’t jealous
It isn’t envious
It isn’t boastful
It doesn’t rejoice over wrong
But always rejoices over truth

Love….

BEARS ALL THINGS

It always
TRUSTS

Always
HOPES

Always
ENDURES

NEVER
FAILS

Humbly IMO

Anything less then the perfect summation of Love Defined above is an imitation.

No one in their right mind has time for fake anything when real is within reach

Be real in Love

Tamaqu You are Strong

Today I reminded my Dad that he doesn’t need all these farcical placebo quick fixes because his undefeated spirit is the key to the quality of his life and his happiness

It can be quite frustrating to experiance sudden loss…the kind where one goes to sleep able bodied and wakes up the next day unable to move one side of their body. My dad calls this dead weight.

This week my Dad so badly wished that his left side would work again, move again, go back to how it was before after frequent visits with a reflexologist

Dad and I shared some truths this week;
Many times expectations becomes the cruel thief of our joy. I told my dad its ok to feel ousted, defeated and frustrated. Its a natural human reaction to stress. I reminded my Dad that we have always admired his strength. That he had overcome many things that any person should have had to endure. I told my dad “When people taught you to walk again it wasn’t by some magic hands or medicine or injection that you were able to take one step and then another and then another. It was your sheer willpower. Your faith in God and your belief in your ability to move again. You! You convinced yourself you could walk again and you did! Its always been you Ta! You don’t need to pay anyone any money to tell you that. Its always been your strength that brought you this far. Pray Believe Move

Admire your strength Tamaqu

What I’m learning from MARRIAGEOLOGY

Excerpts from a book I’m reading…

Have you ever noticed how we celebrate marriage backwards? Wedding: big blowout party before heading off to lavish vacation. First anniversary, special and exciting, you might even get a note from relatives and friends. Second anniversary, dinner and a gift. And so it goes, with a traditional designated gift category (third: leather, fifth: wood, tenth: tin) until you get to fifteen years, for which the traditional gift is crystal. After fifteen, tradition no longer dictates an annual present. You’re on your own, giftless, all the way to twenty, when you get china, which is less expensive than crystal. Then at thirty, the category is pearl, which basically means only the wife is receiving a gift.

This is all turned around. Any fool can be married for a year. You can get to three years on the fumes of the honeymoon alone. The time you really start to need wedding gifts is fifteen years in, when the novelty of having someone around all the time has worn off. Cutting off the presents at fifteen is like cheering people on for only the first half of a soccer game or until mile ten of a marathon. Those are the easy parts.

Nobody likes to put it like this, but it is natural for marriages to fail. They can feel like the emotional equivalent of shoveling snow; people start strong and committed, but it takes so much more out of them than they expect. It is natural for people to get fed up with their marriages. It is natural for food to spoil, for a fire to go out, for enthusiasm to wilt.

After all, there is no bigger, no riskier, no more intimate decision a human makes than to say this is the person with whom I’m going to spend the bulk of my breathing time. This is the person with whom I’m going to create more humans. This is the person whose welfare I will now take into consideration in almost any decision I make. This is the person whose fortunes will affect mine, whose jokes and stories I will have to hear as long as I still have hearing, whose shoes will always be in my bedroom closet, whose hair will forever clog my drain.

But while it’s natural for marriages to disintegrate, it is not inevitable. Nor is it desirable. Nature can be surmounted.

Marriage, that fusty old institution, is worth fighting for. There is within most of us a deep desire to be in an intimate relationship with another person. Not to just have a playmate, but the full megillah, a husband or a wife or another warm body who is only ours and who cares for us as for no other, and who has promised to accompany us for the whole journey, all the way to the end of the map. Surveys show that getting married is still overwhelmingly the dream of young people (men and women alike). Lovers who move in with each other and like it usually still make it official, even though they don’t need to. Marriage is so central to our conception of happiness that huge legal battles are being waged to this day to figure out whether people of the same sex may participate in it.

That’s because, like a lot of things that go against nature—driving, scuba diving, pink hair—a marriage that lasts can be amazing. Life-changing, enriching, thrilling. Completely worth it.

But nobody scuba dives without help or instructions. Marriage, which has been historically so much more likely to fail than an oxygen tank, is the same.

I’ve always found the subject fascinating because nearly everybody has a story about the institution that is central to their lives—whether it’s their own marriage or their parents’ or their children’s or their best friend’s or even their lover’s. Marriage—by which I mean any exclusive lifetime commitment to one other soul, whether made official by the state or church or just between yourselves—pushes people to the extremes: humans can become their best selves, capable of great empathy and sacrifice. Or they can transform from nice regular neighbors into people capable of spectacularly petty and vengeful behavior.

Marriage has changed from an institution everybody expected to enter one day and muddle through, into a high-wire act—public, rewarding, quite difficult to pull off, and not actually all that necessary. There is no imperative to marry.

(Download this great book. An enlightening perspective backed by decades of studies on the institution of Marriage and what it takes to make it work)

When Women Pray

Prayer lights the lamp of our life, cuts through the darkness, and illumines the narrow road. Women perceive the light and also intuit the darkness that encroaches on every area of our lives: self-image, marriage, children, relationships, work environments, the apostolate, the Church, and the world. Through prayer, we perceive human need and receive the grace to respond as God wills.

Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen said, “To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood.”1 Between 1962 and 1965, Bishop Sheen attended all the sessions of the Second Vatican Council. He worked closely with then Father Joseph Ratzinger, who was a theological expert on the commission for mission, and who later became Pope Benedict XVI.2

At the solemn closing ceremony of the Second Vatican Council, on December 8, 1965, the Council Fathers gave a prophetic message to women, which says, in part:

But the hour is coming, in fact has come, when the vocation of woman is being achieved in its fullness, the hour in which woman acquires in the world an influence, an effect, and a power never hitherto achieved. That is why, at this moment when the human race is undergoing so deep a transformation, women impregnated with the spirit of the Gospel can do much to aid mankind in not falling.

This message seems urgent. There is a need for women who are impregnated with the spirit of the Gospel, in other words, Marian women. Will humanity be transformed for light or for darkness? According to the Church, women have a profound influence in the outcome, in part because of our role in the domestic church. When we stand in defense of faith, marriage, and family, we magnify God’s light and push back darkness. It takes prayer to be who we are called to be in an anti-Christian culture.

Introvert Courtesy

A few days ago I made a decision to reactivate my Facebook account, a decision that I regretted for 4 whole days and ended up deactivating again. As an INFJ , I noticed that I felt more happier and less anxious when I deactivated and deleted all (but one) of my social media accounts because I didn’t have to deal with so much information overload. INFJ’s tend to get stressed when there’s a barage of sensory stimulation and noise to process. I didnt realise that this was one of my stress factors until I actually reduced my Social Media Platform presence. Apart from that fb and Twitter was also a cesspool of incessant peopling. By that I mean when you want to take a genuine “you” break, there were still endless messages from strangers, family and the occasional whack job.

INFJ’s are often known as the outgoing introvert meaning that we may appear extroverted but our energy to socialise effectively comes from our introverting time. If you’re an INFJ like me than you know that our ability to be amiable and the quality of our communication and relationships is largely related to our introverting.

Introverting/ “me” time is very important to us. This is the time where for me personally, I come home and just not talk, answer calls or have anything to do with social mannerisms with anyone. Home spaces and bedrooms are sacred. These are places where INFJ’s have the freedom  to be alone without judgement and recharge. What do we do? Basically anything that we can do alone. I’ll do artsy stuff or read.

Back to this short lived regret lol….When I reactivated my fb account I thought it would be good exposure for my new business page but what it really did was instantly increase my anxiety levels.

Please guys if you have a friend, family member or partner whose naturally introverted, take this information from someone whose one, honor their recharging personal space. They’ll feel more loved too when you do. Let them read, be alone, watch their movie, write or just be weird in peace. I promise we come out as genuine conversationalist and more sociable when you just gave us our sacred time to be ALONE. It’s really important for our sanity.

I’ll Think About It

I haven’t posted in quite a while and for the past 2 months I’ve noticed something….a major flaw


When I went for an interview they asked me what’s something you see as a weakness that you’d like to tell us about


Personally I wanted to say “I can’t say No to people when they ask me to do stuff”

Can you Swap oncalls with me?
Yes

Can you do my oncall for me? (Even though I’m tired and really need the rest)
Yes

Can you buy my fundraiser cards? (Even though I know every dollar earned has been assigned a job for the next 2 weeks)
Yes

Can you lend me your car? (I’ve already calculated my fuel runs nd most times people don’t refuel car after they’ve used it)
Yes


Most times I’m fearful people will see me as difficult, stingy and too high maintenance if I don’t say yes


Now I’m realizing its fear of rejection thats the driving factor for years of Yes’s at personal cost to my time, sanity and rest


Yesterday I read that if People Pleasing is your weakness because of fear of rejection your biggest Alias is to say “I’ll think about it”


So if you’re like me let’s make this our alias this week “I’ll think about it”

What goes around comes around

It is never ok to gloat over someone else’s misfortune. Schadenfreude is unacceptable no matter the circumstances.

Naturally when in conflict words are said out of spite but after all that’s settled, people don’t really mean to have things happen in real life. You might say “Go to hell” or “I wish you’d die” in the heat of an argument but you don’t really mean it or relish in it if it does happen. Learn to take the lesson out of conflict and be at peace.

Now on the matter of Karma…

There are times in life, if you’re unfortunate, that you’ll come across a person or people (if its happened more than once) who do things out of complete disregard of your ensuing pain from their selfish actions. But please remember this. Payback is never an option. There are laws and balances at play that ensures unjust actions do not go unpunished. What goes around comes around. Some call it Karma. Jordan Peterson calls it the “structure of reality”. When someone is brazen enough to distort the structure of reality, it “snaps back and often at times magnified” (rephrased from J. Peterson). Thats a scary thought. In I-Taukei we use the phrase “Na Vuravura qo e cawiri tiko ga”

What I’m trying to get at is….do not repay evil with evil. Jesus said these very words knowing as God the powerful universal laws at play where perpetrators will be justly repaid for callous behaviour. “If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. -Luke 6:29”  Jesus often reminds us to forgive forgive forgive.

Be at peace

Continue in kindness

Live on with pure intentions

Realise that you do not have to do anything because God fights for the cause of those who have been victimized or unjustly dealt with

Messing with “the structure of reality” comes with consequences. It is not your job to avenge yourself or anyone. Natural laws will do that for you even if you do not wish it

Do good by everyone

Be a good person

It is scary to be at the receiving end of Karma

How to preserve your natural fertility

So here’s a couple of things from Evie’s Magazine I read today on how you can naturally preserve your ovarian reserve when you hit your 30s

Read the rest of What if you’re over 35 and working to slow fertility decline you can read on Evie Magazine

https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/forget-freezing-your-eggs-heres-how-to-preserve-your-natural-fertility?utm_campaign=later-linkinbio-eviemagazine&utm_content=later-24913727&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkin.bio